You’re not Russell Crowe

I was so glad when I read this article condemning some shoes that people are wearing this season.  But, I was most excited to read that someone else agreed that gladiator sandals were not in any way in.  There are some things that even being put on the runway cannot make it good.  Gladiator sandals are just far too busy and make me wonder if you just got back from the desert. Check out the link for other great anti-shoe ideas.

What happened?! #1

I hope when you look at this picture you have the same feeling I had when I saw this. The only way I can describe that feeling is, “What were you thinking!?” First, what were you doing the last few months/years? Obviously, you weren’t walking around or doing any kind of physical activity. Eating does take a lot of time, so I guess that’s what you did instead. Also, you obviously were not trying to dress yourself well. Your outfit is just awful. There is no coordination. Those boots are a small attempt to wear something remotely cute. However, you’re a couple years too late. I’m glad that I was in a great mood on this Friday otherwise seeing you may have ruined my day.

You’re the fat friend

Do you always feel out of place? Can you never go shopping with your friends, because stores never have your size? Do guys only ever seem to talk to you to get to your friends? Are all your friends skinny and attractive? Do you feel beautiful only by association?

If you answered yes to these questions, you are the fat friend. Heck, if you answered yes to a few you are the fat friend. Just look at a few examples below. Let’s go through what’s wrong with each picture.

1– First, what the fuck bouncer let this girl into the club?! She is not even dressed to be let in. To let you know, this is a picture taken at Avalon in LA. This is a hugely famous club that I would expect should have a dress code enforced even for closed events. Second, you know all these girls were pissed when they saw this picture online. The photographer doesn’t publish a large number of photos of each event and the one that was chosen of them is tainted with this whale. There is only one thing right with this image. The fatty realized she can’t dress sexy and didn’t. Honey, at least try and fit into the group next time. Just because you’re the fat friend doesn’t mean you can’t try.

2– Why do you have to keep ruining my Halloween!? There seems to be an outfit mishap here. The fourth girl from the left is wearing a large baggy costume, but as far as I can tell she is slender. At the worst, she has a better body than the fifth girl. Why then is this fatty wearing the slutty tiny fairy dress? Switch costumes, but for the love of God don’t let me see the changing room. (Sorry, I barfed in my mouth a little)

3– Ok, now I fully puked. There are so many things wrong with this picture. Thongs should just not be sold in sizes for whales. We make clothes for people, not beasts. When a girl like the one on the far right shows a bit of thong, it’s alluring and sexy to most men. However, all the guys need to see is the thong of the girl on the left and all hope of ever achieving another erection is lost. Fat girls, heres a tip for you; don’t wear thongs. No one wants to see even the slightest part of your enormous ass; get some full coverage panties.

Now, fat girls, you might be wondering, “Who cares if I’m fat, my friends like me for me.” Wrong, they only keep you around to make them feel better. Even the most attractive of females need a confidence booster that is always around. All they need to do is look at you and realize, “Hey, at least I’m not a whale.”

So, next time you are feeling fat and out of place, look around. If all the girls are slender, attractive and getting hit on from all fronts, think to yourself, “I must be the fat friend.”

You Ruined Halloween

There comes a time every year where it is not only acceptable to dress like a slut, but it is entirely expected. It is this magical time of year where I know I will be able to see even the most innocent of girls dress like total whores. Most of the outfits wouldn’t be able to pass as outfits for strippers at work, but on Halloween it is all acceptable. However, with any great holiday there needs to be rules.

I was enjoying looking at pictures on Facebook, when I saw something absolutely horrible. This picture ruined Halloween. This picture was of a fat girl who thought she could follow the normal rules of Halloween. This picture is to be viewed at your own risk, because I’m not to be held liable if you are never able to enjoy a woman again. I will now post new rules that girls such as the one this picture should abide to.

1) Don’t wear anything tight.

2) Don’t wear anything slutty.

These rules must be followed under all conditions except for one. If you are going with a group of fat friends or chubby chasers to a location where they will be nothing but other fat people or chubby chasers you are more than welcome to dress however you would like. For any other occasion you run the risk of ruining someone’s Halloween. Now, you might be asking yourself, “If I cannot follow the normal Halloween rules, what can I wear?” Well good thing you asked. Here are two costumes you can try.

1) A ghost – This costume is great because the large sheet will act as a curtain to hide all your fat and not accentuate any of your fat rolls.

2) The Kool Aid guy – Just look at the picture below and you’ll understand why this is a great costume for fat people. The guy in the picture looks skinny so he probably needed a lot of padding. But, being fat already you can save all that money and just use your own blubber to fill out the outfit.

Well now that you know how badly this fat chick in way too tight green clothing ruined my Halloween, I hope that no more fat chicks will ruin my Halloween ever again.